Happiness versus Fulfillment

A friend recently told me of a survey conducted between adults with kids and adults without kids. Adults without kids consistently ranked happier than adults with kids. So why do we want kids?

If I were to rank my happiness before and after having Kyra, I would align with the masses. What I realized is the decline in pure happiness is made up for by the extreme sense of fulfillment. Watching my daughter learn and grow is the most satisfying reward a person can experience.

Sitting on the couch watching reruns from the week and drinking an IPA on a Friday night does not sound like a night worth looking forward to. Yet as a parent, I sit there and know my child is sleeping soundly in her crib and am extremely satisfied. I now look forward to an early Saturday morning wake up call. While getting up at 6am does not make me happy, I'm completely fulfilled hearing her giggle with her dad.

Is it a cliche if it's true?

Parenting is the hardest and most rewarding experience....Your life completely changes....Priorities shift....Sleep is a luxury....You will do anything for your child. These cliches are the best way to describe parenthood but somehow don't even begin to describe it or prepare you.

Maternity leave would be just like summer vacation. We would take walks every day, visit friends, go shopping, do yoga, be BWE, read! I had a very idealistic view of my time off. It's amazing how little you can accomplish in day with a newborn. That was probably the hardest lesson. Every day I had to remind myself of my new priorities: Kyra, eat, sleep, Cheddar, then everything else. Now and again something, usually sleep, would be set aside to indulge in my fanciful version of life in order to maintain my own sanity.

Now that the time is almost over, I feel satisfied with where we are and what we've achieved. But mostly I feel sad and terrified that I don't get to be bothered every three hours for a feeding and diaper change. How am I going to live without seeing Kyra smile as she falls asleep or pout when she gets hungry or struggle through her developing digestive system? We'll have to wait and see...

Unbelievable

Looking back, we made many poor choices. In our defense, we were ignorant. The insane events and emotion can not be described in full.

It started Monday night with minor, irregular contractions. Our last appointment was Friday afternoon with no progress which led us to believe it was only Braxton Hicks. By 6am, the contractions were short but more frequent. The on-call doctor figured it was nothing but advised to stay home from work. Rebecca's mom came by to help keep track of timing, just in case. We made an appointment to see the doctor which would help us determine if Trevor should come home from his work trip in Bismarck. A hospital bag was thrown together and we were on our way. By 10:45am the doctor determined Rebecca was already at 6cm and should go to the hospital immediately.

This is not happening. Trevor, come home now!

The epidural was administered and everything progressed much faster than expected. There was no way to delay. Meanwhile, Trevor cruised along at top speeds trying to get back to the hospital. Thanks to a gas station under repair the car ran out of gas. Trevor found someone to give him a ride to get a gallon from the nearby co-op which would get him to the next gas station and eventually to Fargo to meet a private prop plane to cut the final three and a half hours down to one.

Even though we weren't physically together for the birth of Kyra, Trevor encouraged Rebecca via bluetooth and was able to hear the first cries of our new daughter. Even though in the moment the situation was less than desired, being together with this little bundle of joy somehow makes us forget how we got here.

Moving On

As stress relieving as the closing was, it was also quite bittersweet. Saying goodbye to Wentworth was more emotional than expected. Maybe it's because we're not just leaving the house, but an era.

Things we will miss:

• Dark wood
• Two and a half car garage
• Fully fenced in back yard
• Front porch
• Bathroom space and storage
• Claw-foot tub
• Electrical where you want it

Luckily, most of the list above can be added to our new house. And knowing us, it'll just take time...

Thanks to all for the love and support you have shown through the years, and especially the past few months!

San Diego

A cold spell fell onto Minnesota a few weeks ago. It wasn't just Minnesota; other typically warm states were hit as well. At the time, the hottest location in the United States was San Diego, CA. With the help of frequent flier miles and Hotwire, we had a long weekend booked in no time.

The trip was off to a great start (after the usual Delta delay). We had a "stolen" Reese's cup in hand, Thai in our bellies and sandals on. Strolling along Mission Bay was exactly what we needed. For dinner we hopped into the Volkswagen bus at Hodad's on Ocean Beach for burgers and milkshakes. The next day we walked all around the San Diego zoo and Balboa Park. We drove downtown for tapas in the Gas Lamp district. There was a big event scheduled around Mission Bay Saturday so we decided to head up north and hike around Torrey Pines. Unfortunately it rained a lot that morning, but we made the most of it, along with the surfers outside of La Jolla. It cleared up in the afternoon and we were able to see seals lounging on the beach. We stopped by a coffee shop in Corando for our customary Eastern European early evening. Trevor had his typical beer and coffee while Rebecca substituted her Rum for a peanut butter cookie. By evening, we found our way to El Indio and the rest of the Uptown area. Our last full day was spent with brunch in Mission Beach along with a walk in the sun. Then onto Point Loma to see the tide pools and have a late seafood lunch. We treated ourselves to cake and ice cream at Extraordinary Desserts in Little Italy. Then ended the trip with a walk around Old Town and along Ocean Beach before heading to the airport (and another Delta delay).

B.A.

With all the house activity, we've let the pregnancy progress without much concern. Now that there's only one more trimester left, focus has changed. Maternity clothes have been purchased/borrowed, registering is (almost) complete and the nursery is ready for painting.

We've been lucky and Baby Axner is checking in as "normal" at every appointment. The ultrasound in late December was such a surreal and thrilling experience. Check out our photo albums to see little B.A. at 6 and 20 weeks.

We're getting excited!